Two days ago I came home from work in a state of such anger,
sadness and resentment that it oozed out of me and right into my husband. It
was so palpable I could almost see the actual bad energy being absorbed by him.
This sent him into a state of extreme stress and he closed himself off. For
anyone who knows my husband you know that closing off is a stark contrast from
his usual demeanor and a cause for high concern. While he had been dealing with
his own stressors at the time, I do believe that what I brought into the house
with me that day was the last straw and completely overwhelmed him.
So there we were both feeling terrible and there was happy-go-lucky Asa not having a clue as to what just happened. The rest of the night was
shrouded in negative energy. We all went to bed. In the morning I felt better and Asa was happily oblivious still,
but when Aaron got up it was clear that he did not feel better. By the middle
of the day, after a few cajoling texts from me, he finally texted me to say
that he was sorry he was feeling extremely stressed and didn’t know where it
was coming from… I knew where it had come from and I felt awful! I told him I
thought it was mostly because of my bad mojo and I was sorry for bringing it
into the house.
It was at this point that I made a decision. This crappy job
has got to go! The money and security is absolutely not worth the hardship it
causes me and my family. I started
writing a proposal to my boss to figure out the best scenario for me and my
family that will also benefit the company. I have worked out three different scenarios, two in which I will work
part-time and either get paid as an employee or as a contractor, in both the
company saves money and I get more time to pursue my passions. The third
scenario is I give a one –month notice and resign. While I am hoping for one of
the first two scenarios I am fully prepared to accept that they may just let me
resign without offering me anything to stay. If I do have to resign I will look
for another job, but rest assured I will be enjoying the hell out of the time off!
I have needed to practice self-care for the last 10 years. When my best friend died ten years ago I needed a break. I was
working full time during the day and going to school full-time at night. I stuck it out and paid the price five years later
when I was diagnosed with cancer. I needed a break then as well. The diagnosis
surgery and subsequent radiation treatments were overwhelming to say the least, but I pushed through and did not take a break. Through all of this I continued to work in a job that created high levels of stress and dissatisfaction. Today, I am 100 lbs over-weight, stressed to the max, my body is in constant
pain everyday and I have a hard time doing any of the physical activities I enjoy. I am at
a point now where I feel if I don't make drastic changes soon I will be setting
myself up for another health disaster.
Witnessing how my stress level affected those I cherish and
how my suffering every day affects my husband was the last straw for me. Money
does not buy happiness, doing it for the money or the stability is a
piss poor excuse for not taking care of myself. It is not an excuse I will be
using anymore!
Now is the time to take care of myself! Life is now, it does not happen yesterday or tomorrow, it is now in every
single moment we are alive and breathing, life is now and now is the time to live life
authentically and to our fullest potential.
Wishing you a fulfilling and authentic life!
No comments:
Post a Comment